Mitchell’s Story

In October of 2014, I had Kallihan. When we had her my husband, Alex, went right back to work right afterward and that was very overwhelming. Not only was I a brand new mom, but she had a lot of latching issues and concerns. She wasn't sleeping, she was super colicky and I had to cut out dairy. The support was not there since my husband had to sleep in order to return to work.

At six weeks he was laid off and took like 2 or 3 weeks off, and then immediately found another job and went right back to work. So, even though he was there then, that was a stressful time because it was not paid. There was no money coming in for either of us, and it was very stressful.

Then I got pregnant with Evangeline when Kallihan was a year old which was entirely planned, but not necessarily that quickly. We had her on Thursday and he was at work on Friday. At the time I was not working. I was able to stay home with the kids, but he went right back to work on Friday. He worked Saturday. Sunday he had off. Monday he had to return to work.

I remember just sitting and crying, because how am I going to do this? I have a newborn and a one and a half year old relying on me, and a house that was a complete wreck.

When Eva was about 6 weeks old, I called my mom, and I said, “I tried but I can't be their mom. You need to come and adopt them.” I remember her pure shock, and she said to me, “That doesn't sound like you. Can you call your doctor and see if they can fit you in and I'll be right there.” She came to watch the kids, and thankfully my medical team was fantastic. But I wonder if there had been some sort of support, if I would have been able to mask that postpartum depression again like I had the first time. Because it was hard, but the first time I did have my mom there to help me out. The second time around I had no one. I had nothing. I had a house full of disgustingness, and 2 kids relying on me. And, as we all know, those first 6 weeks with a newborn are impossible to begin with, and then you add a toddler and a house, and everything on top of that.

We had Remington this past January, and he was in the hospital for 10 days in the NICU. It was a traumatic delivery and I could not get out of bed and waited to be able to see my baby. When he was 22 hours old, I was finally able to hold him. I stayed in the hospital with him the whole time, because, thankfully my husband was on paid paternity leave.

I did not have to worry about my older 2 children being taken care of. I did not have to worry about my house being taken care of. I did not have to find additional care. I did not have to do anything but worry about my little boy in the hospital, and that means the world.

We were taken care of because he worked for the State of New York, and New York has a paid family medical leave act that allowed him to take up to 12 weeks off, fully paid. I believe it's like a 60% reimbursement of his normal paycheck, but it was enough to survive on. So he was home with my 2 girls. I didn't have to stress. If the baby was crying and the big kids were upset in the middle of the night, I had a whole other human who could go deal with them. I didn't have to choose between my kids. I didn't have to decide whether or not we were going to have clean dishes, or whether or not I was gonna clean laundry. Not only that, but the bond difference that he has with Remington versus the girls at such a young age… He’s bonded with our kids now, but he didn’t have a bonding period with them. They weren't excited to see him when they were 5 months old. If we show Remington a picture of Alex he literally will jump up and down, coo, and get all excited because that's his best friend right now. As far as he’s concerned, that’s the greatest person in the world.

To see that difference, and know that the difference was because he was able to be home stress free for the first 12 weeks of this baby’s life – I just wish that everybody in the state of Maine had the same access that the State of New York provided us. It’s such a difference. The thing that really blows my mind is, we paid in I think $270 last year to the paid family leave and we were able to really reap the benefits of that.

Even if Maine just modeled something like what New York has for their leave, I really think that our State would be better for it. We would have better moms and better dads.

Have a story to tell? Visit our paid leave story form and join the conversation!