Jessica’s Story

My mother was diagnosed with colon cancer in June of 2021.

She began falling ill in early May of that year. Emergency surgery followed on May 26th, my birthday. A week later we learned she had cancer when we received a call from the cancer center to set up an oncology consult.

For the next eight months, I tried to balance working full-time with my mom’s care. Add to it that we were in the middle of a pandemic. Dana Farber Cancer Institute told us we had to increase our protocols to prevent COVID-19 because treatment would destroy mom’s immune system. She was already at high risk because of her age and a past lung infection. This pretty much meant isolation.

When mom came home from the hospital, she required a lot of care. She was very weak. It was during the waning days of the legislature, you know when they go until dawn and then start back again the next day, I was lucky if I got two hours of sleep a night.

After consulting with Dana Farber for a second opinion and setting up a treatment plan with New England Cancer Specialist, a Dana Farber Affiliate here in Maine, I called my attorney to talk about what my options would be work-wise. I knew I did not qualify for Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA) because I had only been on the job for just three months. The state of Maine has a parallel family leave law, however, I did not qualify for that either.

Sadly, there were no options for me. I had to find a way to make my job and caregiving work.  I am an only child. I did not have a support system. I don’t have a spouse so my paycheck was my sole source of income. I had no choice but to try to keep all the balls in the air.

By Thanksgiving 2021, I was crashing. My PCP told me I needed to find some self-care time and reduce my stress or I would find myself in a bad place fast. I pushed on, but by the time the calendar turned to 2022, I had not only crashed I was burnt out.

I left the workforce at the beginning of February 2022. By summer, mom’s health had stabilized and I began to look to rebuild my career.

This rebuilding process has been difficult. There has been a lot of disappointment. I was denied one job because I wore a mask to the interview. Yes, the hiring manager actually said that in writing. I explained why I was wearing the mask. The interview was held in a small and busy coffee shop and mom remained at high risk for COVID. I was following orders from the oncologist.

Being a full-time caregiver has been my most difficult job ever. But it taught me so much. I am stronger than I ever thought I was. I was tasked with doing things I had never done before, things I never thought I could do. But I did them. I became a quick study. It taught me empathy. It gave me a greater appreciation for the work I did and for the under-recognized work caregivers do, the stress and sacrifices they face.

But caregiving also broke me in many ways. I not only lost my income, insurance, and retirement contributions, I lost my sense of identity. A lack of financial stability ends hopes and dreams. I loved the work I did. I so miss the life I had before cancer and COVID took it over, but I would do it over again and again. My mother was worth it. And I am so thankful she is now in remission.

I don’t share my experience for pity or sympathy. I share my experience because I know there are many others who face the same situation I have.

Lawmakers in Augusta are pushing a family leave bill. Given the chance I would have paid into a bank to have some paid time off.

Maine is the oldest state in the nation. We also face a workforce shortage. This is not a democrat or republican issue. If you have loved ones, you could find yourself in this situation.  Do we want to lose workers because they are faced with the choice of a paycheck or the care of a sick parent? Should we really make people choose?

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